


okay.

by ambrosespellmans



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: Anxiety, Archie Andrews Needs a Hug, Depression, F/M, Good Parent Fred Andrews, Gun Violence, Hurt Archie Andrews, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Veronica Lodge, Psychosis, Psychotic Episodes, Self-Harm, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-14 15:24:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13592937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambrosespellmans/pseuds/ambrosespellmans
Summary: “Are you okay?”It was a sentence that felt so alien to Archie Andrews’ ears; sure, he had people asking him it all the time, especially recently, but even the concept of being okay seemed to far to fathom.___aka the fic in which Archie's PTSDdoesn'tmagically go away.





	okay.

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys, i'm back with more archie angst, when will i stop? btw, I don't suffer from PTSD, but I do have episodes, so this is partially based on my own experiences and is a vent fic

_ “Are you okay?” _

 

It was a sentence that felt so alien to Archie Andrews’ ears; sure, he had people asking him it all the time, especially recently, but even the concept of being okay seemed to far to fathom.

 

The past few months had been literal hell for him, between being manipulated into a relationship by an elder (one whom he even felt bad for due to how brutal her death had been), his dad being shot and all the ugliness of trauma that ensued and recently, almost being buried alive.

 

He thought he had been over it all, had made it past the nightmares and flashbacks and crying for no reason, but after that fateful night, looking up at Betty’s teary blue eyes whilst dirt was shovelled onto his chest and holding a gun at the Black Hood, it all had come rushing back.

  
He could barely even look Veronica in the eye anymore, too guilty to accept that in a moment of weakness, he had kissed Betty.  It broke so many codes, so many of his ethics and although all he felt in that department for the blonde was friendship, that moment had made him doubt himself.   He loved Ronnie, he was certain of it, but he struggled with figuring things out.

 

Perhaps the image of the Black Hood holding a gun to Betty, just as he had held one against Archie’s temple, had been forever burned in his mind.  Perhaps that was what caused the confusion.

 

He remembered Grundy, how he had been confused about her, and how when he finally realised the act she had committed on him, he had felt so sick, so uncomfortable, that he could barely even look himself in the mirror anymore.  She had violated -- raped -- him, using him for her sick needs, as a scapegoat for her pedophilia.

 

Then after ages, falling for Ronnie and saving Cheryl, his life had seemed to finally get back on track.  He remembered staring at his reflection in  _ Pop’s  _ and thinking,  _ ‘I’m okay, I’m good with this person staring back at me’.   _ He had also been with Veronica physically for the first time, something he had wanted since the closet at Cheryl’s party.  He remembered her skin against his, their faces so close together that they were sharing oxygen.  He remembered their first electrifying kiss, then every one after that, until that night where they made love.

 

Naturally, his happiness was taken from him soon after, like a row of dominoes toppling; his dad, Grundy (he still hated that he was sad over that, she had  _ raped  _ him and yet, her manipulations still made him care), Moose, Midge, Betty, the dominoes kept falling.

 

Archie had started cutting not long after the incident with his father; at first, it was to keep himself awake, a sting of pain from a blade to the wrist to stop him from falling asleep and letting anyone hurt his family again.  Then, after a while, he couldn’t stop.

 

Veronica, of course, noticed.  They might have been together officially about a month, but she already knew him well.  He tried to lie about the scars, told her that it was a sports thing, but the more red marks that appeared on his body, the less she believed him.

 

After convincing him to ditch the gun, Veronica had also convinced Archie to quit self-harming for a while.  And it worked, for a time.  Then when he and Veronica split up, Archie felt himself drawn back to the blade once more.   Her support, the one thing that he held onto was gone.

 

When the thing with the Black Hood came about again, even getting back with Ronnie wasn’t enough to stop Archie cutting.  Every day, he would slice and draw more blood, hoping that she wouldn’t notice.  They hadn’t had sex since getting back together, after all.

 

Unfortunately for him, she  _ had  _ noticed, and this time, she hadn’t kept it to herself.  One day, whilst he has locked himself in the bathroom to take his frustration and trauma out on his leg, Archie heard a harsh knock at the door which caused him to drop the blade.

 

_ “Shit!”  _ he whispered, fumbling for the blade.

 

To his utter shock, his dad’s voice called,  _ “Arch?  Are you okay?” _

 

_ “Shit, shit, shit!”  _ he mumbled, then faked a reply, “Yeah!  I’m fine!” he grabbed a piece of tissue to try to stem the flow of blood running down his leg.

 

He felt dizzy and nauseous, his heart thrumming hard in his chest.

 

Veronica’s voice then spoke, “Archie, he knows.  I told him.”

 

Archie’s heart seemed to jump out of his chest as he angrily swirled around,  _ “You what?” _

 

“Arch, it’s okay.” Fred’s voice wasn’t angry, but there seemed to be some hurt laced in it, “We can get you some help, just let me in.”  the door handle turned, but Archie refused to unlock the door.

 

He cried,  _ “Help?   _ They’ll just say I’m crazy -- I’m  _ not  _ crazy.”

 

“I know you aren’t, I’m not saying--”   
  


Archie interrupted his dad, “I  _ don’t  _ need help.  I’m fine.”

 

“No, you’re not.” Veronica shook her head on the other side of the door, “You aren’t even in the vicinity of  _ ‘fine’.   _ Let us in, Archie.”

 

Archie stumbled back against the sink, attempting to clean up his leg but only coming up with more blood, flowing and draining over his skin.  He looked up into the mirror, studying his reflection, just as he had in  _ Pop’s  _ on that terrible, awful day.

 

He had been happy, smiling.  Now he was covered in his own blood, locking himself in the bathroom and close to tears.  His loved ones had been around him and now they were begging him to let them in.

 

He looked at the blood on his hands and remembered holding his father’s body, remembered worrying about him, not knowing if he would survive the next couple of moments.

 

Jughead had called him  _ ‘Pureheart the Powerful’,  _ but in reality he felt completely and utterly weak.  He had always been weak, from the moment he looked into Grundy’s eyes to this, shaking and shivering over a bloody sink.  His skin was pallid, his honeyed eyes underlined with bags and shadows that symbolised his lack of sleep.

  
He had just been getting back to somewhere near normal, then everything with Veronica happened.  He didn’t blame her; he always was a little too easily attached.  He remembered screaming and crying when his mom left and how when he met Jug and Betty, he had instantly clung to them, not wanting to let go.

 

He hated that it was her, the woman he loved, that had caused him to revert to the blade, especially for such a banal way.  Yes, she didn’t feel the same at that moment in time, but it wasn’t fair of him to make her his lifeline in the first place.

 

Then kissing Betty was another step to the edge.  Sure, Veronica said she didn’t care, that it didn’t matter to her, that a simple we’re-going-to-die kiss didn’t hurt her whatsoever, but Archie knew she was lying.  He knew she was upset.

 

Then the Black Hood, gun against his temple, gun against Betty, gun in his hand, drove him off of that cliff.

 

_ “Arch.”  _ his dad’s voice was thick with emotion as the door handle turned some more, “Just let me in.” his voice broke,  _ “Please.” _

 

Archie shook his head, “I can’t.” and then, he rammed his fist into the mirror, it shattering on impact.

 

Shards stuck into his skin, but he didn’t care; he was naught but a body of scarred skin anyway.  He deserved this, for his dad, for Grundy, for Moose and Midge.  For everything.

 

Grundy was dead  _ because  _ of him, he knew in his heart.  His heart still hurt with the confusion and his skin buzzed with the familiar disgust.  He dropped to his knees in front of the toilet bowl and retched, sweat beading on his forehead.

 

He vaguely heard his dad yelling, but when he pulled back from vomiting, he was hit by another sudden wave of nausea that knocked him onto his back, staring at the ceiling.

 

A tear squeezed out of his eye and he could feel a sob building in his chest.  He felt hot and cold at the same time, an unfamiliar and terrifying feeling, like his body wasn’t his own.

 

_ “Move out of the way.”  _ he heard Veronica command, although her voice sounded a million miles away.

 

There was the sound of footsteps, then a hard kick to the bathroom door, breaking the lock almost instantly.  Veronica grunted in pain, then stumbled in to the bathroom, seeing Archie lying in the middle of the floor.

 

_ “Oh, God.”  _ she gasped, ignoring the pain in her leg to turn to Fred.

 

Already on it, Fred rushed over, taking Archie into his lap and stroking his hair,  _ “Call an ambulance, now!” _

 

Archie suddenly began to spasm, shaking his head as tears came to his eyes,  _ “You can’t!  Y-You can’t, please don’t!  Don’t!  They’ll think I’m crazy!” _

 

“Shh…” Fred ran a hand through his hair in a futile attempt to calm him down.  He noticed Veronica was still frozen to the spot and for once, rose his voice,  _ “Veronica, move, you useless brat!  Ambulance, now!” _

 

Veronica jumped at that, not knowing that kind, gentle Fred was capable of such vitriol and immediately grabbed her mobile, heading out of the room, trying to push back the lump in her throat and cease the warm tears building in her eyes.

 

Back in the bathroom, Fred sighed heavily; he hadn’t meant to scare or upset Veronica.  He cared about her too; in fact, one day, he could even see her marrying Archie.  It would be an ideal, beautiful future.

 

But the only future that he could picture in that moment was a bleak one, where Archie would take his own life or accidently hurt himself in one of his episodes.

 

His son began to seize violently, screaming,  _ “Let me go!” _

 

Fred wrapped his arms around Archie’s waist, “No, I’m here.  I’m right here, Arch.  I’m  _ not  _ leaving.”

 

_ “What, like mom?”  _ Archie spat, “She fucking left, you will too.  You never stay loyal enough to people anyway!  Just leave me alone, I don’t need you.”

 

The words hit Fred like a truck filled with knives and he attempted to stay stone cold instead of breaking down, like every cell in his body commanded him to, “You don’t mean that.”   
  


_ “You nearly left me!”  _ Archie screamed, “I should’ve been the one to take the bullet, but no, it was you!   _ Why would you do that?” _

 

Fred replied, “Because I love you, son.  Because I would die for you in a heartbeat than have you suffer at all.”

 

_ “You left me!”  _ Archie yelled and his breathing began to heave, as if he was getting breathless, “You just  _ left me.   _ I hate you for that.  I deserved it.  _  I deserve it!” _

 

Fred shook his head, pressing his face into Archie’s shoulder whilst he struggled, “Shh.  Breathe, come on.”   
  


“I-I can’t.” Archie choked on his breath, “I’m just a s-selfish, useless, weak failure.   _ I’m not Riverdale’s hero, I never was!” _

 

Veronica ran back in, “The ambulance is coming as soon as possible, Mr. Andrews.” she reported, then knelt besides Archie, “What’s wrong with him?”   
  


“I-I don’t know.” Fred admitted, and finally, he felt a tear rolling down his cheek, “I-I just don’t know.”

 

Archie continued to scream and struggle in his dad’s grip, trying everything to get out, even biting and kicking.  Horrified, Veronica tried to calm him by resting a hand on his face, but he screamed back at her.

 

_ “LET ME GO!” _

 

She stumbled backwards, gasping in sheer shock, unable to recognise who was sitting in front of her.   Archie was a bloody, screaming, sobbing mess and as much as Fred tried to calm him, nothing worked.

 

When the paramedics arrived, they requested Fred to release Archie.  Reluctantly, he did, but his son immediately grabbed the razorblade in the sink, holding it up as a weapon as he curled up against the bath.

 

_ “Leave me alone!”  _ he cried,  _ “You can’t hurt me anymore!” _

 

Veronica touched his hand, “Archie, nobody’s going to hurt you.”

 

“Ma’am, I advise you, that’s not a good idea.” one of the medics said.

 

Veronica retorted, “Well, I don’t give a damn.  He won’t hurt me.”  she turned back and attempted to take the blade from Archie, only for him to slice at her with it.

 

Luckily, it didn’t even break her skin, only ripped a slight tear in her shirt, but still it made her rear back with a shuddering breath, horrified.

 

_ “Archie…”  _ she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

 

The way she said his name seemed to somewhat bring him back and he looked at her arm,  _ “Ronnie?” _

 

When he realised what he had done, he dropped the blade to the ground, looking around at all of the faces staring at him.

 

“I’m… I’m so sorry.” he gasped, tears filling his eyes.  He dropped his face into his hands with a sob, admitting, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

Fred rested a hand on his back, “It’s okay, Arch.”

 

It really wasn’t.

 

Without putting up much of a fight, Archie stumbled into the ambulance, meeting eyes with Betty who was standing outside of her house with her parents before he clambered in.  His dad followed him in, and he noticed Veronica didn’t join them.  When the ambulance doors closed, he broke down once more, allowing his dad to answer most of the paramedic’s questions.

 

On the way to the hospital, the medic gave him a tablet to take with some water, something he called diazepam.  Apparently, it would help calm him down.

 

It worked, as within minutes of taking it, he felt himself falling asleep on the bed.

 

***

 

When he woke up, it was light and Archie noticed his dad was asleep on the chair next to him.  His arms and legs had began to sting, but he couldn’t quite remember why and he looked down to see bandages on his wrist.  He was in white hospital scrubs, but the reason why escaped him.

 

He cleared his throat in order to wake his dad up, and as soon as Fred looked at him, the sadness in his eyes caused a wave of memories to wash over him.

 

_ “I’m sorry.”  _ he croaked, tears welling in his eyes.

 

Fred shook his head before leaning over and kissing his forehead.  Archie could feel his dad sniffle before pulling away and taking his hand.

 

“It wasn’t your fault.” Fred said, “The doctors did some tests, they’ll be able to determine what happened later.”

 

Archie then asked, “And Ronnie?”

 

“She’s fine.” Fred told him, “She’s with Betty and the others.  They’re waiting outside for you, they’re all pretty worried.”   
  


Archie sniffled, “I hurt her.”

 

“She’s okay, you didn’t even touch the skin.” Fred assured, squeezing his hand, “She visited you.  You were asleep, she wanted to talk to you.”   
  


Archie shuffled, “What did she say?”

 

“That she forgave you.” Fred replied, “That it wasn’t your fault.”

 

Archie sighed, “I should’ve told you.”   
  


“No,  _ I  _ should’ve noticed.” Fred countered, “I’m your dad.  You were in pain and I didn’t even know.  I should’ve seen it coming.”   
  


Archie said, “I don’t blame you.  I’m just messed up, I guess.”

 

“No, you’re not.” Fred shook his head, “Arch, you’ve been through more in these last coupl’a months than most people go through their entire lives.”   
  


The redhead looked down, “I fucked my teacher, didn’t do anything when you were shot and now I’ve hurt those I love.”   
  


“You were raped.” Fred began, “You saved my life, got me to the hospital and we all know you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.  You just need help.  And I’m going to be there with you every step of the way.” he admitted, “I haven’t been the best dad, but I promise, that’ll change.  I love you, son.”   
  


Archie felt a lump grow in his throat, “I love you too, dad.”

 

Fred leaned down to envelop his son in a tight hug, knowing that if he ever lost him, he would not be able to survive.  Archie was  _ everything.   _ All he had left.  And if it killed him, he would fight for him.

 

***

 

Hours passed until the doctor finally came in with the test results, a sombre look on her face.  She looked over Archie, trying to be as sincere as possible as she spoke.

 

“Mr. Andrews, I’m afraid we’ve been unable to diagnose any physical cause of the episode.  The only thing that my superiors have been able to suggest is that it was an episode brought on by a panic attack and psychosis, which we can only link to possible post traumatic stress disorder.” she explained.

 

Archie arched an eyebrow, confused, “I-I have PTSD?  I thought that was what people who’ve been through  _ real  _ trauma get.”   
  


“Well, Mr. Andrews, you did see your father get shot, he also revealed that you were manipulated in an inappropriate relationship with a woman twenty years your elder.  Also, the incident with the Black Hood a few weeks ago…” her kind eyes locked with his, “What I’m saying is that you  _ have  _ had your fair share of trauma.”

 

Archie bit his lower lip, “I-I guess.” he sighed, “S-So what?  Am I going to be locked away?”

 

“Certainly not.” the doctor shook her head, “There are many people with PTSD, people who live with it.  Only they don’t do it alone.” she presented a form, “I’m going to need your father to sign this, it’s a prescription for fluoxitine, an antidepressant.  It can also be used to treat PTSD.”

 

Fred looked at the prescription and admitted, “We don’t have insurance.”   
  


“It’s alright, your bill and such has already been paid by Lodge Industries.” the doctor smiled, “It seems you have a lot of people on your side, Archie Andrews.”

 

Archie gave a small smile, “C-Can I see my friends?”

 

“Certainly, they’re all waiting outside.” the doctor replied, “Sign here,” she pointed to the dotted line, “And I will let them in.”

 

Fred nodded and signed the paper before seeing the doctor walk out.  He squeezed Archie’s hand for what felt like the hundredth time that day and gauged his reaction as Veronica, Jughead, Betty and Kevin all came rushing in.

 

_ “Ronnie…”  _ Archie gasped, his eyes immediately filling with tears,  _ “I’m--” _

 

She cut him off with a chaste kiss and when she pulled back, she smiled, “All forgiven, Archiekins.  Besides, it wasn’t your fault anyway.”   
  


“Yeah, Arch.” Betty nodded, “I know what it’s like to deal with mental illness, and I want you to know that you’re not alone.”

 

Jughead nodded in agreement, “We’re all with you bro, ‘til the end of this mess.”   
  


“I know a great therapist.” Kevin suggested, “It could help you out.  We could all help you out if you didn’t want to go alone.”

 

The outburst of affection make Archie release a small sob, worrying everyone instantly, especially Veronica.

 

She rested her hands on his shoulders, “Archiekins, you okay?”

 

“It’s just…” he sniffled, “I’m so loved, despite my shortcomings.”

 

Jughead rested a hand on his forearm, “It wasn’t your fault, pal.”

 

“No, it’s not that.” Archie shook his head, “Well, it is, but not just that.  I keep pushing you guys away and even then, you still keep on holding onto me.”

 

Betty gave a smile, “Isn’t that what family’s for?”   
  


“I’m not doing a group hug.” Jughead sighed, “It’s cheesy.” Veronica glared at him with her shut-up-or-face-death-by-$300-heels look and he retracted his statement,  _ “Fine.” _

 

They all came in around Archie and came into a tight group hug, one that made Archie feel safe and secure with his dad’s arms surrounding nearly all of them.

 

For the first time in ages, he actually felt somewhat  _ okay.   _ And whilst yeah, this wasn’t the end and he would probably be dealing with his trauma for a long time to come, he knew he wouldn’t have to face any of it alone.

 

***

 

When Archie was asleep hours later and the others had headed to get some food, Fred took Veronica to the side, noticing she still seemed upset and distant.

 

“I’m sorry for yelling and calling you a useless brat.” he began, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

She shook her head, “It’s okay, Mr. Andrews.  I get it, you were worried about Archie.”

 

“I know, but I should  _ never  _ have taken it out on you.” he touched her shoulders, feeling her shiver, “It wasn’t your fault and I was an ass.  I’m sorry.”

 

Veronica smiled, “It’s okay, Mr.  Andrews.  I forgive you.”

 

“C’mere.” Fred pulled her close, “You’re good for Archie, I want him to hold onto you.  And I want you to hold onto him, okay?”

 

She smiled, burying her face into his shoulder, “I promise.  I’ll take good care of him.”

 

They pulled away only to notice Archie was no longer asleep but watching them.  The redhead managed a smile.

 

“It’s good to see you two getting along.” he admitted, “The two most important people in my life.  Well, and Vegas.”   
  


 

Fred laughed, “Well, Vegas has missed you too, Arch.  He’ll be happy to see you tomorrow.  Just get some sleep ‘til then.”

 

“Yeah, Archiekins…” Veronica smiled, coming over to kiss Archie’s forehead, “Get some sleep, I promise we’ll be here tomorrow to take you home.”

 

Archie shuffled, getting comfortable and he soon found himself drifting back off to sleep, with one thought remaining in his mind.

 

_ He was okay. _

**Author's Note:**

> as usual, remember to kudos/comment, and check out my tumblr @legendsofgaymorrow and twitter @lgbtcanaries


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